we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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