I wanna passion pit in your ass
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
