I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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