remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
