Your face is a jimmy john
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
