This girl is more easily done than said...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
