started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
