I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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