somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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