Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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