I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
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It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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