I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
