I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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