so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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