i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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