Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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