i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You smell like stripper and shame
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
