Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
