No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
