i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
