If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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