I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
