I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
