Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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