Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
