I have demons in me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize