Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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