I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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