White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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