I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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