Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
