need another drink. this is the easiest way
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
