My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
