What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
