im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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