New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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