my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
