I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
