why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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