i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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