My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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