grandma shit on top of the toilet
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
