I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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