u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
