Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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