how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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