Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
