so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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