I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We had to coat check the pizza.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
