someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize