i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
