I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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