apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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