i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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