You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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