I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
