girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
