i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
