So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
