look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
