he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
