dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
