Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
