i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
