My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ketchup is God's man juice
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
