do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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